Suite Magic gone Batty
by TouchedbyaMunster
Summary: Crossover featuring characters from the classic Batman TV show, Once upon A Time, and the Suite Life on Deck. A tribute to my favorite TV actors, Adam West, Robert Carlyle, and Dylan Sprouse. What happens when Bruce Wayne and Zack Martin walk into Mr. Gold's shop?
1. Chapter 1

**Suite magic gone Batty **

(Takes place somewhere during season 2, before Rumple is reunited with Neal/Bae)

Also, Bruce is from the future of the Batman TV show universe, before Terry McGinnis would show up.

In Mr. Gold's pawn shop…

An elderly man and a young blonde boy walk in. Gold has never seen either of them before and wonders what they could be doing in Storybrooke, and why they have come to him. However, with magic he is no longer a coward, and can handle himself when necessary.

"Good evening gentlemen," Mr. Gold said, "My name is Mr. Gold. Welcome to my shop. Do you see anything that interests you?"

"Hello," the old man said, extending his arm, "I'm billionaire Bruce Wayne. I just bought a Doberman recently and I'm looking for a sign to warn people of how dangerous he is."

"Well, danger is as danger does, dearie," Gold quipped, "I think I have just what you're looking fo—"

"Ah, here it is!" Bruce exclaimed.

He looks at a display of signs. Gold assumes Bruce will pick the "BEWARE OF DOG" sign but instead, he chooses the one underneath it.

"'ONE WAY'" Bruce said, "Perfect! That way whoever steps in to my yard, like those Jokerz or mutant punks, they'll know there's only one way out—in a body bag!"

"Yes, I'm sure your dog must be very fierce indeed," Mr. Gold said, "a pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Wayne."

He turned to the young blonde-haired boy.

"Can I help you, young man?" Gold asked.

"Yeah," he said, "I'm looking for something for my girlfriend, or ex-girlfriend, Maya."

"Oh, I see," Gold said, "Looking to win back her love? Well, I hardly think baubles would do that, dearie."

"It's complicated," he said, "I'm Zack, by the way. Maya went to study in Africa, and she felt she couldn't manage a long-distance relationship."

"What if I told you, I could…work some magic, and get you two together again?" Gold asked.

"I don't know," Zack said, "What do you have in mind?"

"Well, what if you could be together with each other, even though you're miles apart?" Gold asked.

"She said that electronic devices are scarce there." Zack said. "By the way, do you know a London Tipton and were you ever on the SS Tipton?"

"No to both questions. I'm not talking about electronics," Gold said, "I'm talking about physically being with each other, even though you're really separated."

"How do you propose to do that?" Zack asked, "Virtual reality?"

"No, something a bit more…fantastical," Gold said, "Magic."

"You mean, _Magic: the Gathering_?" Zack asked, "My brother Cody and my friend Woody more into that than I am. They're huge nerds. Maybe I can get them the new trading card set."

"I'm not talking about card games," Gold said, "I'm talking about actual magic. Powers that can allow you to become whatever you want. You can be with your Maya, even though she's halfway across the globe."

"Just a minute," Bruce Wayne said, "I'm not sure I understand you."

"Don't believe in magic, Mr. Wayne?" Gold asked.

"Of course I do," Bruce said, "Demons, immortals, witch-boys, zombies, fifth-dimensional imps, I've seen it all, but why would you do this for a couple high school kids?"

"For your information, sir," Zack said, "I'm going into college, and you've lived one crazy, but awesome life."

"I'll tell you about it some time," Bruce said, "Listen, I don't feel like I'm supposed to be here. I was at home fooling around with a device my company had created, when I suddenly got transported here."

"Hey you're Batman!" Zack said, "I love comics! You're awesome, Mr. Wayne! Wait'll I tell Cody & Woody that Batman's real!"

"Was Batman," Bruce said, "I've put my crimefighting life behind me. But sometimes I wish I could do it again! Soaring the rooftops with my old chum looking for criminal miscreants and protecting the citizens of Gotham, oh what a blast!"

"So if I understand your situations correctly," Gold said, "Mr. Wayne here fell through a portal that transported him to this land. Zack, you need your relationship with Maya mended. I can fulfill both your wishes, for a price, of course."

"Name your amount," Bruce said, "I'll pay it."

"You misunderstand," Gold said, "I'm not interested in money. Even though you may be a billionaire, I'm satisfied with my current financial status. What I want is something far more…precious. As you said, yourself, once, 'Nothing in life is free.' All magic comes with a price! You have to be prepared to pay."

"How did you know my identity?" Bruce asked, "You've compromised my crimefighting ability!"

"The same way young Zack knows," Gold said, "In this world, you're a hero in fantasy, comic books. You don't exist."

"So you're saying I'm not real?" Bruce asked. "This is obviously a diabolical trick from one of my many fiendish foes! I don't believe you!"

"Then perhaps you'll believe your eyes," Gold said, "if you simply give me knowledge of how you do what you do, how does Batman survive and fight on, even without any powers whatsoever? Zack, from you I need something that you and Maya have had mutual interest in, preferably a small object."

"Here," Zack said, "I have this bracelet Maya gave me."

"That'll do the trick." Gold said. "Now Mr. Wayne…"

"Batman's been able to live on all this time by using his wits, and never giving up, no matter the struggle. You see, you can't possibly get that, it has to be earned. Hard work and discipline are key." Bruce said. "He's endured because…he's Batman."

"I see," Gold said, "that'll do."

Suddenly, with a wave of his hand, Bruce was young again and in his Batman costume while Zack's bracelet was glowing.

"You tricky devil!" Batman shouted, "What have you done?"

He heard a giggle.

"I've given you what you wanted, dearie," Gold said, "the rest is up to you."

Gold looked different. His skin was green and scaly, while his clothes were not from the 20th or 21st century.

"Allow me to introduce myself," he said, "Rumplestiltskin! You have your secret identity, so have I. If I was going to face you in your prime, I wanted to be in my prime as well!"

"What do you mean, you fiend?" Batman asked.

"Well, now you have to pay the price," Rumple said, "use your skills to defeat me."

"Simple enough. All have to do is grab some magic-repellent bat-spray from my utility belt and—" he said, as he reached down to discover his belt was gone!

"Looking for this?" Rumple giggled.

"What?" Batman asked, "How did you-?"

"The World's Greatest Detective and you can't figure it out?" Rumple mocked, "Magic, of course!"

"You jolly devil!" Batman shouted, "Have you no scruples?"

"I merely do whatever's in my best interest," Rumple said, "as for your belt, well, I'm sure this'll fetch a pretty penny in my shop. Speaking of interests, I feel we need a change of scenery, don't you?"

With a wave of his hand, Rumple, Batman, and Zack were all down by the docks of Storybrooke, with the Batmobile nearby. Batman's utility belt was still missing.

"I'm giving you a choice, dearie," Rumple said, "defeat me in battle and go on to be a crimefighter again, righting wrongs, or leave now and never get back home. Zack, you can find your twue wove, or you can stay here, forever."

"How 'bout a third option, Rumplestiltskin," Batman said, "Zack, would you care to be my new Boy Wonder?"

"Would I?!" Zack asked in excitement.

Batman and Zack got in the Batmobile.

"Atomic batteries to power," Zack said, "turbines to speed…"

"Roger, ready to move out." Batman said, as the Batmobile sped off.

"No one breaks deals with me, dearies!" Rumple said, as the Batmobile suddenly disappeared, and Batman and Zack suddenly found themselves in a quicksand trap by the ocean.

"You impudent imp!" Batman shouted, "What do you have planned for us?"

"No one gets out of a deal with me, and gets away with it," Rumple said, "therefore, I must now leave you to die. I thought about just ripping your hearts out and crushing them, but you might prove useful to me…if you can escape. Besides, I've heard theatricality and deception are powerful agents to the uninitiated. We have to get you initiated in magic."

"Henry Yu?" Zack asked.

"No," Rumple said, "Henry Mills, the Mayor's son."

"Rumplestiltskin, we could do some good in this town," Batman said, "We can help you."

"Too late for that, dearie." Rumple said, "when the tide rises and the ships come in, you and Zack are going to be up the creek without a paddle."

"Rumple, do what you want with me!" Batman shouted, "but leave the boy out of this!"

"You both have to pay the price, dearies," Rumple said, Been a pleasure doing business with you!"

Rumple giggled as he disappeared.

**HORROR OF HORRORS! **

**BATMAN AND ZACK MARTIN, THE NEW BOY WONDER, TO DIE IN STORYBROOKE?**

**RUMPLESTILTSKIN LEFT THEM IN A WATERY GRAVE! **

**WILL THEY ESCAPE?**

**CAN THEY?**

**WILL ZACK REUNITE WITH MAYA?**

**WILL BRUCE FIND HIS WAY BACK HOME?**

**WHAT DOES RUMPLE HAVE PLANNED FOR THE CITIZENS OF STORYBROOKE? **

**FOR THE ANSWERS TO THESE AND OTHER MYSTICAL QUESTIONS TUNE IN TOMORROW—**

**SAME BAT-WEBSITE! **

**SAME BAT-ACCOUNT! **


	2. Chapter 2

Suite Magic gone Batty part 2

**WE HAVE PREVIOUSLY SEEN…**

**TWO STRANGERS WALK IN TO MR. GOLD'S SHOP! **

**GOLD CHANGES THE OLD MAN, BRUCE WAYNE, INTO BATMAN IN HIS PRIME! **

**WHILE GOLD REVERTS BACK TO RUMPLESTILTSKIN! **

**ZACK MARTIN BECOMES THE NEW BOY WONDER! **

**BUT RUMPLE DOESN'T LIKE DEAL-BREAKERS, SO…**

**THEREFORE HE LEAVES THE CAPED CRUSADER AND HIS NEW YOUTHFUL ALLY TO DIE AT THE WATER'S EDGE IN STORYBROOKE…**

**IF YOU CARE FOR OUR HEROES, HOLD YOUR BREATH FOR 1 MINUTE, THE WILDIEST IS YET TO COME! **

Zack and Batman struggled to get free from the quicksand.

"How do we get out of this, Batman?" Zack asked, "the tide should be coming in any minute!"

"Don't worry, old chum!" Batman said, "I see one hope! We have to time it perfectly right. My utility belt's gone so, my arsenal of bat-weapons is gone as well. Remain very calm and don't struggle, or you'll sink deeper. I've calculated it should take another 2 minutes and seven seconds before the tide comes in again, at which time we'll drown, if we can't escape before. Rumplestiltskin made a tactical error when he placed us here. Look! In the distance, you can't faintly spot some rope, used to keep ships tied to the docks. If we sink any further, we won't be able to grab the rope with our teeth!"

"Hey, I may not be as smart as my brother, but I know a little bit about the ocean," Zack said, "I've lived on a ship for four years!"

"Good thinking," Batman said, "then you'd know the approximate maritime coordinates of when the next ship will come in, wouldn't you?"

"Come again?" Zack asked with confusion.

"Never mind," Batman said, "we'll stick with my plan! On my count, 1-2-3!"

Batman is able to grab the rope, ever so slightly, with his teeth. He passes it to Zack. Zack grabs it with his teeth, and is able to gently maneuver himself out of the quicksand. He pulls the Caped Crusader out just before the tide comes in.

"Good work, old chum!" Batman said.

"Thank God I take good care of my teeth!" Zack said.

"Very true," Batman said, "we owe our lives to good dental hygiene. If only more people in this world would remember to floss everyday and brush 3 times a day, the world would be—"

Suddenly Rumple giggled.

"Impressive, dearies," Rumple complimented. "Most impressive indeed. I see you escaped my deathtrap."

"You magical miscreant!" Batman shouted, "What do you want now?"

"Simply to reunite Zack here with his twue wove," Rumple said, "as well as help you get back home, Mr. Wayne."

"Careful," Batman said, "I must protect my secret identity."

"As must I," Rumple said, "y'see, I don't normally give second chances, but in your case, well, you're an exception to the rule."

Rumple gave Batman his utility belt back and brought the Batmobile back.

"Quite an ingenious vehicle," Rumple said.

"Thank you," Batman said, "The Batmobile is equipped with all the latest crime-fighting technology, at least it was back in the 60's. I'm working on a new model back home. Speaking of which, how do I get home?"

"Just keeping on driving." Rumple said, "I enchanted your Batmobile. Once you cross the town boarder, you'll be instantly transported back to your rightful time and place as well as be your normal age once again."

"Thank you," Batman said, "How can I repay you?"

"Funny you should ask," Rumple said, "how do you manage to outwit your enemies?"

"By using my wits and my keen intuitive mind." Batman said, "Good always triumphs over evil."

"You're beginning to sound like someone else I know," Rumple said.

"Rumple," Batman said, "you're interested in true love. Who is your love?"

"Her name is Belle," Rumple said, "but she can't love a Beast like me."

"You may think you're a monster," Batman said, "but I have confidence that with a little courage, and a positive mental attitude, you can vanquish the demons that haunt you."

Batman got in the Batmobile.

"Batman," Zack said, "it was an honor working with you."

"You too, Zack," Batman said, "the world is in good hands if the youth of today is reflected in you. You'll always be a Boy Wonder, no matter what. Chao!"

As he drove off, Batman turned to Rumple. He was now looking like Mr. Gold again.

"Woah," Zack said, "Quick wardrobe change!"

"Something of a specialty of mine," Gold said. "among other things."

He gave Zack the bracelet.

"This bracelet will really take me to Maya?" Zack asked.

"Indeed," Gold said.

"Thanks, man!" Zack said.

"You're quite welcome!" Gold said, "Just remember, never turn your back on your family, even if they walk away from you."

"Trust me," Zack said, "Cody may be annoying sometimes, but I couldn't live without him. My mom and dad are always there for me too!"

Zack disappears.

Meanwhile, in Neo-Gotham.

Bruce is in the Batmobile by Wayne Manor. He is old once again.

A gang of mutant Jokerz comes up to him.

"Slice and dice!" the leader said. "Let's put a smile on that face!"

Bruce beat them up.

"Do you know who I am punk?" Bruce asked the leader as he pinned him to the ground. "I'm you're worst nightmare, the kind the makes you wake up screaming for your mother. You have a mother, don't you, punk? Every punk should a mother!"

Meanwhile, Zack met up with Maya in Africa.

"Zack!" Maya said, surprised, "What are you doing here?"

"Just kiss me," Zack said, as they proceeded to make out.

"I want you back," Maya said.

"I know, so do I," Zack said.

"Great, just let me freshen up a bit," Maya said.

She goes into her hotel room and get on the phone.

"He's here," Maya said, to an unknown caller. "No, he can never know what happened here."


End file.
